How do you deal with negative or difficult people. People who seem chronically critical, indignant, angry, or just plain rude. How can you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity– and maybe even helps them? Most of us use avoidance as our chief strategy, but this is neither practical nor effective, since it's often impossible to avoid a person completely and it creates unnecessary stress in our lives. Fortunately, there is a better approach. Here are 8 tips I've found through lots of research, and from my own trial and error.
1. Remember to focus on your response.
That's all you can really control. This is something we must actively work on - to think before reacting. When we're caught off guard, we end up resorting to a defensive position, which rarely turns out well. Instead, we have a variety of paths to take - We can chose to wait it out, not respond, or forgive. Often, a wise approach is to ask yourself two questions -
“If I don't respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
“If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
Answering these questions often adds perspective to the situation. When we learn to control our responses, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our mental well-being, but we’ll also have diffused a situation that would have gone bad.
2. Understand the person's intentions.
It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. Try to identify the person's trigger: What is making them act in this manner? What is stopping them from cooperating with you? Then focus on what can really be acted upon. Rather than dwell on what you can't change, focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation.
3. Treat the person with respect.
No one likes to be treated as if they are incompetent. Compliment the other person for something they did well, tell them you’ve learned something new through interacting with them. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that you appreciate about this person.
4. Express your frustration.
Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say. Now, roll the paper up into a ball, close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go! Maintain a positive boundary. Then when you interact with this person try these tricks:
7. Act instead of just reacting.
1. Remember to focus on your response.
That's all you can really control. This is something we must actively work on - to think before reacting. When we're caught off guard, we end up resorting to a defensive position, which rarely turns out well. Instead, we have a variety of paths to take - We can chose to wait it out, not respond, or forgive. Often, a wise approach is to ask yourself two questions -
“If I don't respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
“If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
Answering these questions often adds perspective to the situation. When we learn to control our responses, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our mental well-being, but we’ll also have diffused a situation that would have gone bad.
It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. Try to identify the person's trigger: What is making them act in this manner? What is stopping them from cooperating with you? Then focus on what can really be acted upon. Rather than dwell on what you can't change, focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation.
3. Treat the person with respect.
No one likes to be treated as if they are incompetent. Compliment the other person for something they did well, tell them you’ve learned something new through interacting with them. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that you appreciate about this person.
4. Express your frustration.
Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say. Now, roll the paper up into a ball, close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go! Maintain a positive boundary. Then when you interact with this person try these tricks:- Protect the positive space around you. When their negativity is too strong, just walk away.
- Help them feel more positive, not act more positive – which is more likely to create the desired result. Listen compassionately for a short while and then help them focus on something positive right now, in this moment. Don’t try to solve or fix them.
5. Confront them.
Don’t play into their use of fear to keep you from speaking up. Be specific about the behavior you want to stop and tell them how their behavior is affecting you. Restate what you’re asking them to change while sticking with the facts, and not being hurtful.
6. Don’t take it personally, but know that sometimes it is personal.
It could be a matter of opposite outlooks: Super-friendly people, for instance, may be at odds with all-business-all-the-time types — and vice versa. Understanding those basic differences gives you a glimpse of someone else’s viewpoint, which may help temper your irritation. You can’t write off everything someone says about you just because the person is insensitive. Even an abrasive person may have a valid point.
It could be a matter of opposite outlooks: Super-friendly people, for instance, may be at odds with all-business-all-the-time types — and vice versa. Understanding those basic differences gives you a glimpse of someone else’s viewpoint, which may help temper your irritation. You can’t write off everything someone says about you just because the person is insensitive. Even an abrasive person may have a valid point.
7. Act instead of just reacting.
Don't wait until the person gets angry before you try to deflect the situation. If you know someone who seems to deal with difficult thoughts or feelings often (as demonstrated in their behavior), don’t wait for a situation to help them create positive feelings. The most effective response to meanness is compassion. Where there is meanness, there is often a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of a mean joke, comment, or email. Remember that it's only when mean people are actually happy that they will stop trying to take us down with them.
8. Choose to Eliminate Negative People In Your Life.
Negative people can be a source of energy drain and deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down with them. Be aware of this. Being exposed to chronic meanness can be very similar to being in an abusive relationship. Cut negative people out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire and enjoy.
Negative people can be a source of energy drain and deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down with them. Be aware of this. Being exposed to chronic meanness can be very similar to being in an abusive relationship. Cut negative people out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire and enjoy.
Remember that YOU can make the world a better place by working on yourself – by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and protecting your positive space. You may even help negative people by fostering a sense of peace within yourself that their negativity can’t pierce.
"To all the other dreamers out there, don't ever stop or let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and the right people, anything is possible." - Adam Green
