It’s a myth that people or relationships don’t change. In fact, it’s inevitable. Relationships go through different developmental stages and situations, such as job loss, health problems, financial issues and family conflict. So, it’s natural for changes to occur. This is a very good thing. Without change, our relationships can become dull and routine, and can open the door to infidelity and death of the relationship entirely. If we want to keep growing as individuals, it's imperative that our closest relationships grow too, or we'll grow apart from those we love most. This is not to say that we need to become a clone of our partner, but that we need to work together to feed the desire for knowledge and spirit of playfulness. When you add something new, which is what a change really is, you can add romance and passion to your relationship.
Dealing with Small Changes. Small changes can be anything from your partner taking on a new hobby to being increasingly disorganized. Small changes can become small annoyances, too. And interestingly, some of these changes aren’t changes at all. Your partner probably has always been a bit on the sloppy side; it’s just that now you’re noticing this habit. You’re simply seeing your partner differently. It's important to talk about these small issues before they turn into big obstacles. If certain things bother you, bring them up using “I” statements and addressing “them in a positive, [non-defensive] and respectful way.”
Dealing with Big Changes. At the core, big changes represent a direct contradiction to your own thoughts or values, which is what makes them so difficult to swallow. For instance, your spouse might’ve wanted kids before you got married but now has changed his or her mind. Or your partner once held conservative beliefs and now is becoming more liberal. Or your spouse who’s the CEO of a company wants to go back to school to become a teacher. In these situations, couples need to discuss how much this difference or big change impacts each of you separately and impacts your relationship. This helps to figure out if you’re OK with the change and how you’re going to deal with it. The result of these discussions will be to reach a compromise, to just accept the change, or not to. If you’re stuck, take some time to self-reflect. Often we’re so adamant about a certain point of view, but we aren’t really sure why. Exploring what an issue means to you is important. If you still can't move forward, then it might be time to visit a therapist. Excerpted from Psychcentral
Of course, this is a drastic simplification. I'll discuss some of the other variables to consider in my next posts.
Dealing with Small Changes. Small changes can be anything from your partner taking on a new hobby to being increasingly disorganized. Small changes can become small annoyances, too. And interestingly, some of these changes aren’t changes at all. Your partner probably has always been a bit on the sloppy side; it’s just that now you’re noticing this habit. You’re simply seeing your partner differently. It's important to talk about these small issues before they turn into big obstacles. If certain things bother you, bring them up using “I” statements and addressing “them in a positive, [non-defensive] and respectful way.”
Dealing with Big Changes. At the core, big changes represent a direct contradiction to your own thoughts or values, which is what makes them so difficult to swallow. For instance, your spouse might’ve wanted kids before you got married but now has changed his or her mind. Or your partner once held conservative beliefs and now is becoming more liberal. Or your spouse who’s the CEO of a company wants to go back to school to become a teacher. In these situations, couples need to discuss how much this difference or big change impacts each of you separately and impacts your relationship. This helps to figure out if you’re OK with the change and how you’re going to deal with it. The result of these discussions will be to reach a compromise, to just accept the change, or not to. If you’re stuck, take some time to self-reflect. Often we’re so adamant about a certain point of view, but we aren’t really sure why. Exploring what an issue means to you is important. If you still can't move forward, then it might be time to visit a therapist. Excerpted from Psychcentral
Of course, this is a drastic simplification. I'll discuss some of the other variables to consider in my next posts.
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