Are You Stuck In A Rut? (Part 2)

Take a field trip.
Go somewhere or do something that interrupts your established patterns and kicks your mind and spirit into a different gear. It's amazing the power new surroundings have to renew and refresh the spirit. And you don't have to travel far either. If Tahiti is not an option, try sitting in a different chair at home, taking a different route to work, or working at the library. New perspectives are at your fingertips!  

Harness the power of regret.
Studies have shown that counterfactual thinking can actually help motivate you to act. What is counterfactual thinking? It’s what it sounds like: Thinking about how something might have happened instead of the way it actually happened. You can imagine a better or a worse alternative.  Think about what you would do differently next time and change your behavior to reach the positive outcome.  In any situation, the question “What might I have done?” prompts a new and empowering resolve: “When X happens (or doesn’t happen), I will do Y.”
 
Remember your victories.
Make a list.  Put items on Post-It notes around your space.  Do whatever you need to do remind yourself that you can get through this, as you always have.

Set boundaries.Take a close look at where your time and energy are being drained by what feel are unpleasant obligations. What are you doing that doesn't bring you joy? Start saying no.

Surround yourself with positive people.
Even if you're not feeling like it, force yourself to spend time with people who will inspire you.

Many times, the road to success is found by taking a detour. Sometimes we get overly focused on getting to our goals through a well-trodden or familiar path. A crisis is one of the ways that the Universe can show you a new direction. If you can say, “yes” to the alternative route in front of you, you may find a wonderful new vista opening up that’s full of opportunity. 

So the next time you find yourself unable to move forward, take a moment to believe in yourself. We all get stuck at times. The trick is to minimize the time you stay stuck! Any car can be gotten out of that rut in the mud if approached with the right tools. Trust that you will get out of whatever quagmire you may find yourself in - now that you have your own tools at hand to help!

 

Are You Stuck in a Rut? (Part 1)

Doing the same things in the same way, day after day, can sap our energy and enthusiasm, leaving us unsure how to restore excitement and spontaneity to our lives.This is a clear message that it's time to change, but how?

Lighten up.
Sometimes you need to give yourself a break from the constant nagging, and those shoulda's, woulda's, and coulda's that you keep running through your mind. Chastising yourself is clearly not helping you actually get anything done, not to mention that it's depressing and bad for your emotional well-being. Take the pressure off in any way you can — give yourself a longer deadline on a project, or scratch out all items on your “to do” list that can wait until next week. 

Take stock of your comfort zone.
To get out of your rut, you need to have a good understanding of what —if anything—is keeping you in it.  Are echoes of your past influencing your responses and keeping you stuck in place? Understanding where your responses are coming from is a first step toward getting yourself on the move.

Make a small change.
Even a small alteration in a rut can have remarkably liberating effects, Call someone you haven’t talked to for a long time. Try a new recipe or workout regimen. Instead of watching TV in the evenings, dig into a compelling book.

Set attainable goals.
Do you feel overwhelmed by the amount of change getting out of the rut will entail? When you set goals, keep in mind that we all tend to exaggerate our abilities and we also attribute failure to circumstances beyond our control, rather than ourselves. Be ruthlessly realistic about how well your talents match up with the goal you’ve set. If the rut has to do with a goal you’ve set for yourself that seems unreachable most of the time, you need to pull back and master the thought process called mental contrasting.

Use mental contrasting.
This technique involves keeping your ideal future in mind while also thinking about the factors that may stand in the way of your achieving that future —almost as if you were looking at two images on a split screen. Mental contrasting allows you to be energized and motivated by that desired future, on the one hand, while keeping you realistic about what you need to do to fix potential problems, on the other. This also promotes strategic “If.. then” thinking which allows you to plan your reactions and responses to potential setbacks. Excerpted from Psychology Today


More tips to follow...

5 Tips for Overcoming Workplace Negativity with Enthusiasm

Negativity often occurs when people are impacted by decisions and issues that are out of their control. Examples of these include corporation downsizing, under-staffing that requires people to work mandatory overtime, budget reductions, and upper-management decisions that adversely impact staff.

Maybe it's not as bad as people think.  If you're a supervisor, help people create options, feel included, and feel part of the communication and problem solving.  If you're dealing with this on a personal level, try these tips to overcome workplace negativity with enthusiasm. 

1. Present Problems as Opportunities for Solutions
Whenever a problem is presented, respond with "How are we going to handle it?" People don't need to have all the answers, but they should be bringing solutions forward and thinking about them - not just complaining.  If you're a supervisor, make employees part of the goal-setting process, so they won't feel like they're just being ordered around.

2. Think Positive
The biggest impact you can have on negativity is to respond to it in a way which is both proactive and positive.  Think of positive and negative approaches as being like two magnetic forces. By keeping your positive approach strong and visible, you'll attract people to your end of the spectrum. In other words, you can't fight negativity with negativity.

3. Build Relationships Based on Trust
Use positive attitudes and enthusiasm to build relationships. Negative attitudes make it difficult to trust others, and without trust you can’t influence positive change. Taking action to build trust will increase comfort levels and strengthen relationships.

4. Win People to Your Way of Thinking
The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. When handled correctly, disagreements and debates are opportunities for positive change. When disagreements arise, show respect for the opinions of others, never tell someone they are wrong, and try to see things from the other point of view.

5. Disagree Agreeably
How do we do this and still have our ideas heard? Keep the lines of communication open by trying to see things from a different perspective. Take the time to really think about how the other person thinks and why they feel the way they do. People are entitled to their own opinion.
 

“The old saying that “success breeds success” has something to it. It’s that feeling of confidence that can banish negativity and procrastination and get you going the right way.”    - Donald Trump

Dealing with Negativity at Work

Have you ever worked with one of those people who are so unfailingly negative that they tend to suck all of the life out of a room? The person who has an objection to every idea and a snide comment for every cheerful effort? 

It’s a rare workplace environment that hasn’t experienced the corrosive effects of chronic negativity. Negativity can spread like a cancer in a team, eating away at everyone's engagement until the whole group is infected with negative thoughts.  If not stopped, it can even continue to spread among departments, regions... and even infect an entire company. 

So how does it start?  Many studies have been conducted on this, and all have generally found these to be the top five reasons:

    1. An excessive workload   
    2. Concerns about management’s ability to lead the company forward successfully
    3. Anxiety about the future, particular longer-term job, income and retirement security
    4. Lack of challenge in their work, and boredom.
    5. Insufficient recognition, and concerns that pay isn’t commensurate with performance

The facts.  Some people exude negativity. They don’t like their jobs or they don’t like their company. Their bosses are always jerks and they are always treated unfairly. The company is always going down the tube and customers are worthless. You know these people.  With them, your best course of action is avoidance.  On the other hand, sometimes normally positive people are negative. Some of the time, too, their reasons for negativity are legitimate. The good news is that unlike cancer, there is a cure. Enthusiasm and positive attitudes can spread just as quickly - improving performance and increasing productivity!

Tips for Dealing With Occasional Negativity:

• Listen to the employee or coworker’s complaints until you are certain that they feel heard. Sometimes people repeat negative sentiments over and over because they don’t feel like you have really listened to them. Ask questions. Clarify their statements. Make sure you have actively listened.
• Decide if you believe the employee or coworker has legitimate reasons for their negativity. If you decide affirmatively, ask if they’d like your help to solve the problem. If they ask for help, provide advice or ideas for how the coworker can address the reason for their negativity.  Do not get sucked into the problem, only provide brief suggestions for a way out.
• If you decide the concerns are not legitimate, tell them what you think. Tell the coworker you care about their concern and about their happiness at work, but you disagree with their assessment of the situation.  Don't spend additional time listening to their complaints, you will only encourage growing negativity and, potentially, behavior.
• If the coworker just wants to complain to a friendly ear, they don’t want your advice or assistance to address the situation. Listen, but set limits. Long term complaining saps your energy and positive outlook. Don’t allow that to happen. Walk away. Tell the coworker you’d prefer to move on to more positive subjects.

 Tips for Dealing With Recurring Negativity:

• Avoid the person as much as possible. Just as you set limits with the coworkers whose negativity you believe is baseless or unwarranted, you need to set limits with genuinely negative people.
• If you are forced, through your role in the company, to work with a negative person, set limits. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into negative discussions. Tell the negative coworker, you prefer to think about your job positively. Avoid providing a sympathetic audience for the negativity.
• If you're feeling threatened by this person, don’t play into their use of fear to keep you from speaking up. Be specific about the behavior you want to stop and tell them how their behavior is affecting you. Restate what you’re asking them to change. Keep it very brief, document what was said and share it with your supervisor. You need to engage them so they know that you are trying to fix the problem. If this is harassment, they need to take action to address it. If you’re the supervisor of the abusive employee, you need to fire them. You’re enabling their behavior and your inaction could also expose your company to a lawsuit.
• If negativity among employees in the company is persistent, if the issues that warrant negativity are left unaddressed, and the negativity affects your ability to professionally perform your work, you may want to consider moving on.

"Negativity is expensive. It costs companies millions of dollars each year."   - Gary Topchik, Managing Workplace Negativity

8 Tips for Dealing with Negative People

How do you deal with negative or difficult people. People who seem chronically critical, indignant, angry, or just plain rude. How can you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity– and maybe even helps them?  Most of us use avoidance as our chief strategy, but this is neither practical nor effective, since it's often impossible to avoid a person completely and it creates unnecessary stress in our lives. Fortunately, there is a better approach. Here are 8 tips I've found through lots of research, and from my own trial and error.

1. Remember to focus on your response.
That's all you can really control.  This is something we must actively work on - to think before reacting.  When we're caught off guard, we end up resorting to a defensive position, which rarely turns out well. Instead, we have a variety of paths to take - We can chose to wait it out, not respond, or forgive.  Often, a wise approach is to ask yourself two questions -
     “If I don't respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
     “If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can happen?“
Answering these questions often adds perspective to the situation.  When we learn to control our responses, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our mental well-being, but we’ll also have diffused a situation that would have gone bad.

2. Understand the person's intentions.
It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. Try to identify the person's trigger: What is making them act in this manner? What is stopping them from cooperating with you? Then focus on what can really be acted upon. Rather than dwell on what you can't change, focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation.

3. Treat the person with respect.
No one likes to be treated as if they are incompetent. Compliment the other person for something they did well, tell them you’ve learned something new through interacting with them. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that you appreciate about this person.

4. Express your frustration.
Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say. Now, roll the paper up into a ball, close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go!  Maintain a positive boundary. Then when you interact with this person try these tricks:

• Protect the positive space around you. When their negativity is too strong, just walk away.
• Help them feel more positive, not act more positive – which is more likely to create the desired result.  Listen compassionately for a short while and then help them focus on something positive right now, in this moment. Don’t try to solve or fix them.

5. Confront them.

Don’t play into their use of fear to keep you from speaking up. Be specific about the behavior you want to stop and tell them how their behavior is affecting you. Restate what you’re asking them to change while sticking with the facts, and not being hurtful.

6. Don’t take it personally, but know that sometimes it is personal. 
It could be a matter of opposite outlooks: Super-friendly people, for instance, may be at odds with all-business-all-the-time types — and vice versa. Understanding those basic differences gives you a glimpse of someone else’s viewpoint, which may help temper your irritation. You can’t write off everything someone says about you just because the person is insensitive. Even an abrasive person may have a valid point.

 

7. Act instead of just reacting.

Don't wait until the person gets angry before you try to deflect the situation. If you know someone who seems to deal with difficult thoughts or feelings often (as demonstrated in their behavior), don’t wait for a situation to help them create positive feelings. The most effective response to meanness is compassion. Where there is meanness, there is often a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of a mean joke, comment, or email. Remember that it's only when mean people are actually happy that they will stop trying to take us down with them.

 

8. Choose to Eliminate Negative People In Your Life.
Negative people can be a source of energy drain and deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down with them. Be aware of this. Being exposed to chronic meanness can be very similar to being in an abusive relationship. Cut negative people out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire and enjoy. 

Remember that YOU can make the world a better place by working on yourself – by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and protecting your positive space. You may even help negative people by fostering a sense of peace within yourself that their negativity can’t pierce.

 "To all the other dreamers out there, don't ever stop or let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and the right people, anything is possible." - Adam Green

  

Creating a Sense of Gratitude in your Life. Every Day.

To start the year off right, try these simple practices to cultivate gratitude.  When you're feeling blue or frustrated, use them as tools to get you back to a positive head space.

Stop Complaining.  About people, situations and events that make you unhappy, sad or depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy.  No situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to.

Commit To Your Goals.  When we look for positivity in the little things that make our lives worthwhile, we leave no room for negativity and our goals come to the forefront. Instead of recounting all events of the day, filter out only the positive ones and make a note of them. It could be anything trivial, from your bus arriving on time, your mom cooking a delicious breakfast, to remembering to pay the bills on time. You would not believe how this helps you achieve your goals — by clearing the mind.

Be Kind.  To yourself and others.  It's scientifically proven to make you feel good.  Helping someone selflessly releases serotonin in your brain and hence makes you feel good about yourself almost instantly. Try doing one act of kindness every day to flush out the toxins of depression from your system.

Practice Forgiveness.  Hatred is a negative feeling and harboring it will have nothing but negative effects on your well-being. Stop thinking about the hateful emotion/person and let it go. Remember to forgive yourself too.  

Release The Past.  When you find yourself thinking that the past looked so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening - Stop.  Remember that the present is all you have.  Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

Be Optimistic.  Treat failure as an opportunity to learn a new and better lesson from life.  Never give up trying. Once you start harboring an optimistic attitude towards life, success will automatically follow.

Don't be Afraid to Dream.  Dreams motivate, inspire and expand our sense of self. They also make us happy because they give our lives a sense of purpose. Happy people usually love what they do, and if they don’t, they love who they are. Dreams remind us who we are.

Care For Your Body. Your physical condition has a direct connection with your well-being. A fit body and healthy mind is reflective of happiness. Start working towards the
health of your physical, mental and emotional energy by caring for your body.  Exercise and meditation help calm your nerves, soothe your mind and elevate your mood.

Give.  Cultivate a habit of sharing with others — your money, knowledge, service, wisdom, care, love.  Giving has many unexpected benefits from attracting more happiness into your life, to inspiring others, and changing the lives of those you touch. In the end the whole world is made into a better place. Ask, “how can I serve?” Pay it forward. Give freely.

By practicing these steps daily and being conscious of them, you will learn gratitude at a level you could never appreciate before. You’re made out of love, and there’s an opportunity at every corner to show it.  Excerpted from wake Up World

 

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”  - Denis Waitley

Spreading the Spirit of Gratitude This Season

Gift-giving is a strong tradition in many cultures all over the world, but some gifts are best received from the inside-out; from a place where love and appreciation begins. Move through this season of thanks and giving with awareness, and not just going through the motions.  The best gifts aren't bought from a store, they come through spending quality time with the people you care about, or from gifts that come from the heart

Here are a few gifts of gratitude your friends and family will love:

Donate in Someone’s Name.  The perfect gift for the person who has everything: something for someone in need. Make a donation in a family member’s name this year, choosing a charity you think they would be passionate about. Maybe even suggest making charitable donations a new tradition.

Give the Gift of Time.  This can be as simple as an IOU for a task that you know needs doing.  

Make a homemade card or gift.  Taking the extra time to give something that's not "off the shelf" makes whatever you give so much more special.  Because these gifts can be quite cost effective, be extra generous and bestow your goodies on your hair stylist, babysitter, and landlord too.

Shop Local.  If making homemade gifts is too intimidating, bless local business owners.

Host a Party and Ask People to Pay “Cover”.  Time celebrating with family, friends and neighbors is what creates the best memories, and strengthens relationships. If you host a party, ask guests to bring cash for charity, or canned goods for the local food bank, as their “cover” for the night.
 

Volunteer.  Make volunteering a holiday tradition. Get some friends together and spend time with seniors, or in a local soup kitchen. If you have kids, get them involved, too. If you buy toys for a toy drive, bring them to the drop-off zone to help them understand the importance, and rewards, of generosity.  Excerpted from eHarmony

And for yourself, be thankful for those things that you may normally take for granted (and that some people are unable to experience) — the ability to breathe, to walk, to eat, to speak, to grow, to connect, to love, to live.

As the new year begins, remember to take the time to recognize and express your gratitude for important people in your life.  Whether it be in person or with a thank you note. 

Gratitude is a glue that binds people together. To give it is to receive it because to receive it you must first give it. This is a beautiful circle. When your friends and family engage with you in this flow of thanks, you’ll never again be alone and wanting for help.
 

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”    - G. K. Chesterton